Deutsches Erdbeern

O.M.G. If you haven't had German Strawberries, you have seriously missed out on the 8th Wonder of the World. Super sweet, just a hint of acid, and a texture so buttery it seems almost like a fruit flavored fois gras.



Two words: Hea.Ven.

Mother's Day

This is my first Mother's Day not only as a new stepmother myself, but it's also the first that I won't be celebrating with my mom. I've moved away from Austin before, but I have always made it a point to be with my mom on this day. I am her only child by birth (she inherited 5 step children when she married my dad), so I know how important it is to her that I am there. And, I've always wanted to be with her on this day.

But this year, it's different. I can't be there this year, but more than ever, I want to be. Having learned so much about what it means to be a parent over the last 9 months, I have found a level of love, respect, and gratitude for my Mother that I have never felt before.

I think that we've all from time to time resented our mothers, asking ourselves, why? Why did she always tell me no for no good reason? Why did she insist on making me learn stupid table etiquette? Why was she so bitchy all the time? It's not that in becoming a parent I've forgotten how crappy these things felt, it's that I now understand them. The reasons she told me no were usually for a good reason, i.e. "No, you can't cut your own hair,", "No, you can't ride the dog,", "No, I will not buy Lucky Charms, Oreo's, and candy bars for you." I learned the stupid table etiquette, which turned out to not be so worthless after all.

And, the reasons she was bitchy sometimes? Hmm, let's see, she had 5 stepchildren, a full time job, she took care of my ailing grandfather and great uncle who were also living with us, she was the primary disciplinarian, we had pets galore, and my brother and I were super active in extracurriculars, which cost money and even more of her time. She refused to serve us shit food, so she cooked dinner every night and packed our lunches every morning. On top of all of this, she devoted so much of her time to my education that I was reading by the age of three.

I think that she deserved to lose her patience sometimes. Actually, I'm amazed that she held it together so well!

I asked her about this time in my childhood, because looking back at it now, I can't imagine how she did it all. And, not only did I survive in the household during this period, this time holds my most beloved childhood memories. Thanksgivings with 20+ people, and of course, she cooked everything. Mom didn't do Turkey Day potluck style. BBQ's with the whole family every weekend. Vacations to Chicago and San Diego. With all of the stress in her life, I asked her how she did it. How did she pull this off? I would have had a panic attack and died under the same conditions. But, she said, in her most relaxed, at ease voice,

"It was just life and I did it all because I wanted to. Believe it or not, they were the best years of my life, too."

Although my mom had shortcomings, as we all do, I truly believe that in motherhood, she excelled. With everything in me, I believe it has been her greatest accomplishment. She overcame whatever issues she may have had as an individual and instilled in me a great sense of confidence, an ability to thrive under pressure, to adapt, to always see the silver lining, and most importantly, she instilled in me an innate sense that I was supremely loved.

Today, I am an incredibly happy, well adjusted woman, married to the man of my dreams (whom she loves almost as much as I do). All of this is in large part a result of her love and unwavering commitment to my lifelong success.

She is still the one who makes me Matzo Ball Soup when I am sick. She is the person I call when I am feeling unsure of myself or when I am so desperately missing my husband. I count on her wisdom when I fear that I am failing my stepchildren. She is the person I call when I am filled with rage, and I just need to get it out. And, when I do, she is there with gentle affirmation that what I'm feeling is ok, and that it will all be better soon.

So, on this Mother's Day, I want her to know how much I love her, how much I appreciate the immense amounts of love she has given me, and how awed I am at her ability to juggle so much, so successfully. You're truly incredible, Mom, and such an inspiration to me on my new path through step motherhood. I love you...

Happy Mother's Day!

Compartmentalization

One of the things that I have learned over the last two months is that the act of mental and emotional compartmentalization is a huge key to success in making it through a deployment. Compartmentalizing can be defined as separating emotions and experiences into individual categories. In this way, you can separate your everyday reality from the 'what ifs'. As a military spouse, this is a skill that, in my opinion, must be learned. Otherwise, every movie where a character is brandishing a weapon, every song about someone dying, every book about sappy teenage love will bring us to tears. It's just not a pretty way to go about life - being triggered by every single little thing.

Being able to separate our own fear for our soldiers down range and the events of our everyday lives is vital. For the last few months, I have been volunteering at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, the first stop for soldiers injured in the war. The first time I went after Ernie deployed, I burst into tears at the sight of a soldier on crutches. The second time I went, I nearly had a panic attack when I saw a Hungarian soldier in a wheelchair. My husband is an avid runner, and all I could think about was how miserable he would be if he couldn't run. How depressed he would get. And, I began to already mourn for the loss of his limbs even though nothing even remotely like this had happened to him. I was stressing myself out needlessly.

At some point, I just detached. I didn't allow myself to draw these connections anymore. Don't get me wrong. It still happens on occasion. It's not a skill that I've absolutely perfected, but it's SO much better. I don't know the process I followed to make this happen. It just did. Maybe it was the way that my brain decided to cope with our situation. However it happened, it's working wonders, and the absolute proof of it's success was evident yesterday.

Part of what I am doing at Landstuhl is shadowing the dietitians through their day to learn what they do. So, yesterday, I shadowed an incredibly knowledgable dietitian who happens to be an expert in trama care. When she told me we would be visiting the ICU, making the rounds with all of the other trama care doctors, I almost told her no. I feared a total emotional breakdown in front of everyone because,

Every patient was a victim of a rocket attack or an IED.

Missing legs, severe Tramatic Brain Injuries, internal bleeding, and broken hips. Everyone unconscious. All of them flown in from places just miles away from my husband.

But, I went.

For some reason, facing the reality of the situation tends to make it easier for me. Watching Restrepo just before Ernie left made me feel more at ease. At least I had an inside look into what his life would be like for the next year, and I knew that his experience wouldn't be NEARLY as bad as those fellas had it in the Korengal Valley.

So, facing these injured soldiers sort of did the same thing for me. Seeing the care that the doctors take for each and every one of them. The incredible amount of diligence, the dedication made to every individual. The amount of time and effort put in by each specialist - whether they specialized in internal medicine, surgery, Dietetics, pharmacology, or otherwise - made me feel safe in knowing that even if the worst happens, my husband would be in very, very good hands.

I was also able to separate the experience of these soldiers from what I know to be true of my husbands' experience. These things haven't happened to him, and I didn't allow myself to play the 'what if' game. When your husband is in a war zone, that is the worst game ever. It will literally drive you insane. I was able to look at these guys from a purely objective standpoint and consider their nutrient needs based on their specific injuries. Thoughts of their mothers, children, or wives never entered my mind.

I had a job to do, skills to learn, and that was what I was focused on. Disallowing those two compartments in my brain - my Ernie and these injured soldiers - to become entangled together allowed me tremendous amounts of mental clarity. Not only was I able to learn so much about the nutritional needs of trama patients, but I was also able to prevent a massive panic attack in front of a sea of professionals.

Even in everyday life, this skill serves us. We can prevent freak outs in front of our children when we put our fears on the shelf until there is a safer time to deal with them. We can be incredibly strong on the phone or in emails with our husbands, and cry later when they can't hear us.

Compartmentalizing is vital to our survival, to our sanity, and to the strength we can bestow upon our families, friends, and perhaps even patients.

The Rest of London

Ok, yes. I know. I am a total jerk for taking so long to finish writing about London. So that I have plenty of time to hang my head in shame whilst standing in the corner, I will keep it to the basics.

EAT:

Besuba Eathai: Three words. Uh.May.Zing. Some of the best affordable Thai food I've ever had. Laura and I visited the Soho location for lunch. The ambiance is dark, modern, and soothing. Communal tables made of the same knobby wood lining the walls makes it feel so cozy. The portion sizes are modest - about the size they actually should be - which was lovely. And, to top it off, the prices were totally reasonable for London standards. When we passed by again around dinner time, a line was already forming out the door around 6pm. Highly recommended, especially if you want good food and don't want to break the bank.

Vitao: According to its website, all kinds of celebrities have dined at this vegan hole-in-the-wall. I was super excited to go as they boast raw foods galore, but when Laura and I got there for dinner, there were only a few unappetizing raw dishes on the buffet. It's a cozy little place (also in Soho) with great people watching out the panoramic windows. The set up is a buffet with set prices depending on the plate size you purchase at lunch. At dinner, there is one plate size and all you can eat for one hour. Let's just say, we were stuffed! I wasn't totally blown away, but for the price and the abundance of veggies (a rarity so far for me in Europe), it was a welcome, yummy meal.

The Hummingbird Bakery: I can easily say this was the best cupcake of my life. No question about it. And, they even carry very yummy gluten free cupcakes that were cheaper than their glutenous friends. You can read more about our experience here on Laura's blog. It's a good thing I don't live in London just because of this place. I don't think I could control myself.



TO DO:

Tate Modern: Definitely the coolest contemporary art museum I have seen. And, it's free - as are all museums in London! If you come to London and don't make it here, you will have missed out on one of the coolest experiences you could have had. It is absolutely mind-blowing.

Amazing exhibit entitled 'Sunflower Seeds' by Chinese artist Ai Weiwei. Containing millions of sunflower seeds hand crafted out of precious porcelain, this exhibit ' invites us to look more closely at the ‘Made in China’ phenomenon and the geo-politics of cultural and economic exchange today'. Read more about the exhibit and the recent incarceration of the artist here.
And, yes those are full sided humans in the back left of the photo. That's how massive this thing was.


The O2: The reason that I initially booked the trip to London is that my favorite band was playing a show at The O2 - the most massive live event arena I've ever seen. Within the compound there are about a kajillion restaurants and the arena itself boasts the best sound system ever. Total and complete aural bliss.

Yoga at The Life Centre: While the Notting Hill studio itself was small and rather dull, I took a class from a really great teacher named Lisa Sanfilippo. She is an American expat with oodles of knowledge in all things Anusara Yoga. Seriously impressive and a really soothing, yet energizing, class.

Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace: Yeah. We did it. It just felt like the right thing to do. I didn't eat fish and chips. I didn't go to a pub. So, I figured I might as well do something touristy. But, as it turns out, unless you get there crazy early, there is nothing to see. The mobs of other tourists have taken over the streets and you mostly just see the backs of other people's heads. But, meh, if you have some extra time, go check it out. I'm all about supporting old school traditions, so I think it's really cool that they still do this after so many years.



This was definitely just my first visit. I will be back. Living in the middle of the German countryside as a lively city girl can get me down from time to time. Germans aren't really known for their outgoing, perky personalities, and I feel like quite an outsider most of the time. But, being in London, I felt at home. It was more than just the common language. I felt comfortable and more safe than I ever have in such a big city. Even after the show at The O2, I rode the Tube and walked home well after midnight, and I felt 100% safe. The people were insanely friendly, and I had so many incredible options at my disposal everyday.

In a perfect world, the pound to dollar conversion rate wouldn't have been almost 2:1, but with the free museums, parks, and great affordable food options, one can definitely do a great trip to London on a budget.

Guess who loves London? THIS gal!

Doing Yoga When It's the Last Thing You Want to Do

One of my dearest friends, and a truly remarkable yogini, recently told me:

When you don't feel like doing yoga, just do down dog.

Olivia (right) and I combining our love of food and yoga.

For the last week or so, I've been super stressed, but I couldn't really put my finger on why. The boys are back with their mom, I don't have a job that I have to report to everyday. I'm sort of a free spirit at the moment, living everyday however I choose. Which is a truly beautiful experience to have, but with it comes surprising amounts of stress.

Everyday I wake up wanting to make the most of the gorgeous sunshine and the time that I have to accomplish all of my goals. I volunteer at Landstuhl a few times a week and need to develop new menu items for them. I'm going back to school in June and need to start applying for scholarships. I have travel plans that need working out, not only for myself, but also for R&R. I have kids that need my love and attention. I have yoga classes to plan and teach. I have cooking to do and massive amounts of yard work to keep up with thanks to our wacky 1/4+ acre yard layout. I have interesting, fun-filled packages to send to my husband. I have a spring garden to till and plant.

As you can see, even without being employed, I have a lot on my plate. Add to that the stress of my husband being in a war zone, and it's really a lot.

I knew that I had been neglecting my yoga practice, feeling as though I just didn't have the time. But, I remembered what Olivia told me. Just making time for a good down dog seemed doable. I dragged my mat out of corner, spread it out in front of our huge picture window with the morning sun beaming in, and I down dogged.

I stayed there for a good 5 min, before I was inspired to move ahead with more poses. I just let the movements go where they would. At first, I started moving into heart opening poses, but I kept returning to my dog. And, I realized that what I really need was to be upside down. I did headstands. I did long, loooong down dogs. Back and forth, back and forth. I even found that transitioning from one pose to the next I was keeping the crown of my head to the ground.

What did this mean?

Inversions energize your heart, lungs, and endocrine system. They re-energize, revitalize, and literally, for just a few minutes, your whole life is turned upside down. I felt like as long as I was in those poses, as long as my head was upside down, the stress of my life didn't exist. I didn't want to come back up for fear that everything would go back to normal, and I would be just as stressed as I was before.

So, I stayed there. I was upside down in various poses for about 20 minutes. And, finally, after a long, full extension of wheel pose, I felt safe. I did savasana, sat up, and felt that my stress had finally melted away.

It was exactly what I needed to move forward with my day without my heart pounding out my chest.

The rest of my day was filled with peace and a sense of focus that I hadn't felt in quite a while. Just taking those few minutes to do my down dog inspired a practice that totally changed my attitude and feelings for the rest of the day. Committing ourselves to an hour long practice in the morning seems daunting and I know that I can easily talk myself out of it. But if we can just commit to doing a down dog every morning, the results can be amazing...

For more info on inversions, read this article so that you know what you are getting into and you know to BE CAREFUL. And, then, check out these step by step instructions on how to do them correctly.

London, Day One: Or, the Importance of Paying 100 Euros for a Good Pair of Shoes

Ernie and I keep each keep a notebook that we write in daily - to tell the other what we have experienced since we can't always talk. On my recent trip to London, I almost filled his notebook with every single ridiculous detail of my days. And, big oopsy on my part, I sent it to him before I wrote this post. So, everything is from memory on this one, Kids. If I forget to mention something that was particularly awesome, I will gather all of those bits in a later post. Anyhoo, without further ado, HERE is London, Day One!

To get to London is super cheap and easy from almost anywhere in Europe thanks to discount carriers like RyanAir. And, by cheap and easy, I mean my one hour flight was 35 Euro (about $50) round trip including taxes! From the airport, I took a bus to Victoria Station, right in the heart of London, for 14 pounds round trip. As I was trying to purchase a local map, I realized that one of the fun things about being an American living in Europe is that for most of the trip, I was juggling 3 different currencies. Ahhh, Globalization...



As fate would have it, another fellow Texan expat, yogi, food blogger, newlywed pal of mine recently moved from Austin to London and was gracious enough to let me stay with her. Laura and her husband were such sweet hosts, and she made sure that I had all the info I needed to have a really great London experience.

On the first day, a Sunday, I was on my own. And, it was ridiculous how much I did. London, being a humongous city, isn't completely closed for business on Sundays as most other European places are. I bought my Oyster Card, an absolute must if you are planning on visiting anything in the city, and jumped on the Tube headed for the Spitalfields Market area. I wandered about and fell in absolute love with the markets and shops in the area. If you are a shopper at all, go here!



While I was in the area, of course, I had to do at least one traditional British thing. I wound up eating a traditional Sunday Roast at The Water Poet on Folgate Street. The ambiance is incredible. The service, impeccable. It's part old school British pub, part jazzy lounge with 6 different spaces for hanging out, all with their own distinct vibe. I ordered a pot of tea while I waited for my food to come out. Honestly, and maybe it's just because I was in England, the tea tasted better than any tea I've had before. Or, maybe I'm just a really bad tea maker...



The food was also pretty dang good, especially for the price. I definitely put the salt to use, but my Lamb Roast with Veggies was cooked to perfection. It was served with what they called Mint Sauce, but it seemed like more of a mint paste to me. The flavor nearly knocked me over, in a good way, I think. I've just never had anything like it before. But, I couldn't stop eating it. So, yeah, I guess I really liked it. Yorkshire Pudding? I'd never had it until I ate it here, but if you ask me, it just seems like a piece of puffy bread. I don't know, you're talking to the gal who doesn't care much for pasta or grains, so maybe someone else would love it. It's just not really my bag...All in all, though, I would definitely go back here again.



After my Sunday Roast, I had to do some walking. I was stuffed. So, I walked south to the London Bridge, took the requisite picture...



...and headed to the tube station. I was going to hit the British Museum and got half way there before I realized I had been up since 2am, and I was exhausted. I jumped off the tube just in time to catch a little nap in Hyde Park. Spring had just hit, and everyone was in the park. Kids on bikes, dogs playing catch, teenagers playing football, elderly couples strolling hand in hand. It was straight out of a movie, I tell you. The park is massive and the lush green grass practically begs you to curl up in it's cool embrace.



Once I had rested, I was off again. This time, I thought I'd just walk home. You know, no big deal. But I had already walked, I don't know, a good 8 miles or so on 2 hours of sleep, and this turned out to be not an awesome choice. It was just a little further than I had hoped - another 45 minutes of walking. But, I saw Buckingham Palace on the way home and got lost in some neighborhoods I might not have otherwise seen. Bonus!



After stopping at the local market for dinner and breakfast for the next day, I stumbled home, showered, warmed up some curry, and ate it while I watched BBC News.

By 8pm, I was in bed.

Yeah, I like to party...

Ignorance and How It Hurts

I had all of these wonderful plans to tell you all about my stellar trip to London this week, but this morning, I woke to see this article in my inbox - sent to me by my husband. I am so filled with rage that writing this has taken priority over my happy little vacation. I promise to inform you shortly about how amazing London is, but in the meantime, I've just got a few things that desperately need to be said.

As a result of a few extreme actions on the part of some very ignorant Americans, my husband is no longer safe. We know that the extremists in this and any religion or dogma can be extremely violent, so why are we doing things to intentionally piss them off? By choosing to not do stupid things, like burn their holy books, we aren't 'giving in' or 'letting them win', we are simply respecting their beliefs as we would expect them to respect ours, or the lack thereof. Going out of our way to show them the finger is no better than them going out of their way to behead us, right Christians? A sin is a sin in the eyes of God, remember? Turn the other cheek ring a bell?

Even if we aren't Christians or any other disciple of a deity, is it not always best to just effing respect the existence of our brothers and sisters on this planet? Forming ignorant opinions of what it means to be a Muslim or a Christian or a Jew or black or white or Mexican (and acting on them) only serves to destroy our species with rapid and pointless speed. Even if it is just simply stating to another like minded person that all Muslims are evil and out to kill Americans, we are perpetuating negative and untrue beliefs. These beliefs lead to actions which lead to deaths.

The point is that none of us knows the truth. We may have faith in this or that, but no one knows for sure. Science (the only basis we have for measuring the truth and existence of anything) hasn't proven a thing when it comes to measuring whose God is better than someone else or whether God even exists.

Until we all can open our eyes to the truth in these statements, soldiers will continue to die under pointless circumstances. Wives and families will continue to lose sleep at night worrying if their soldier will have legs or PTSD when, and if, he comes home.

So, we need to take the upper hand. Stop stooping to the level of uneducated, sheltered, cave dwelling extremists. Stop following their lead in the game of who can disrespect who first and with greater force. When is the last time a fight was ever solved this way? It doesn't even work with toddlers let alone with grown ass men.

Understanding is the key. And, acceptance is even better. If Americans like Terry Jones and other religious fanatics could let go of their dogmatic beliefs, maybe this country could actually lead by example in a positive way - for the sake of our future.