Mother's Day

This is my first Mother's Day not only as a new stepmother myself, but it's also the first that I won't be celebrating with my mom. I've moved away from Austin before, but I have always made it a point to be with my mom on this day. I am her only child by birth (she inherited 5 step children when she married my dad), so I know how important it is to her that I am there. And, I've always wanted to be with her on this day.

But this year, it's different. I can't be there this year, but more than ever, I want to be. Having learned so much about what it means to be a parent over the last 9 months, I have found a level of love, respect, and gratitude for my Mother that I have never felt before.

I think that we've all from time to time resented our mothers, asking ourselves, why? Why did she always tell me no for no good reason? Why did she insist on making me learn stupid table etiquette? Why was she so bitchy all the time? It's not that in becoming a parent I've forgotten how crappy these things felt, it's that I now understand them. The reasons she told me no were usually for a good reason, i.e. "No, you can't cut your own hair,", "No, you can't ride the dog,", "No, I will not buy Lucky Charms, Oreo's, and candy bars for you." I learned the stupid table etiquette, which turned out to not be so worthless after all.

And, the reasons she was bitchy sometimes? Hmm, let's see, she had 5 stepchildren, a full time job, she took care of my ailing grandfather and great uncle who were also living with us, she was the primary disciplinarian, we had pets galore, and my brother and I were super active in extracurriculars, which cost money and even more of her time. She refused to serve us shit food, so she cooked dinner every night and packed our lunches every morning. On top of all of this, she devoted so much of her time to my education that I was reading by the age of three.

I think that she deserved to lose her patience sometimes. Actually, I'm amazed that she held it together so well!

I asked her about this time in my childhood, because looking back at it now, I can't imagine how she did it all. And, not only did I survive in the household during this period, this time holds my most beloved childhood memories. Thanksgivings with 20+ people, and of course, she cooked everything. Mom didn't do Turkey Day potluck style. BBQ's with the whole family every weekend. Vacations to Chicago and San Diego. With all of the stress in her life, I asked her how she did it. How did she pull this off? I would have had a panic attack and died under the same conditions. But, she said, in her most relaxed, at ease voice,

"It was just life and I did it all because I wanted to. Believe it or not, they were the best years of my life, too."

Although my mom had shortcomings, as we all do, I truly believe that in motherhood, she excelled. With everything in me, I believe it has been her greatest accomplishment. She overcame whatever issues she may have had as an individual and instilled in me a great sense of confidence, an ability to thrive under pressure, to adapt, to always see the silver lining, and most importantly, she instilled in me an innate sense that I was supremely loved.

Today, I am an incredibly happy, well adjusted woman, married to the man of my dreams (whom she loves almost as much as I do). All of this is in large part a result of her love and unwavering commitment to my lifelong success.

She is still the one who makes me Matzo Ball Soup when I am sick. She is the person I call when I am feeling unsure of myself or when I am so desperately missing my husband. I count on her wisdom when I fear that I am failing my stepchildren. She is the person I call when I am filled with rage, and I just need to get it out. And, when I do, she is there with gentle affirmation that what I'm feeling is ok, and that it will all be better soon.

So, on this Mother's Day, I want her to know how much I love her, how much I appreciate the immense amounts of love she has given me, and how awed I am at her ability to juggle so much, so successfully. You're truly incredible, Mom, and such an inspiration to me on my new path through step motherhood. I love you...

Happy Mother's Day!